My fellow Australians
I’m finally about to flog off of the rest of Telstra.
I’ve had to use all the dodgy tricks of the trade, because Telstra is a total lemon. Fourteen percent of their phone lines faulty, a $3 billion dollar network investment black hole, horrible services in the bush: it’s a bomb, a dud, an absolute lemon.
To knock this one off I’ve had to hide all sorts of problems. But hide them I did, and now Telstra is ready to be sold to your mother.
You know, Telstra is almost too easy. Poor old Barnaby is completely bamboozled. Makes me think I could sell anything, so I’m offering my services on the free market. I’ll sell any lemon, no matter how big, how bitter, how unreliable. No money down, no questions asked, I’ll get my people to call your people, wham bam thank you man.
So send me pictures of your biggest lemon with a short caption and the bargain hunting will begin. I’ve put up some photos of other lemons I’ve recently sold, just to give you a sense of how good I am.
Game on.
John Howard
Prime Minister